Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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