i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
