He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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