she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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