btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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