RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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