You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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