I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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