I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
