I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
did you just send me my own nude
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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