Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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