I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
