I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
