awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
