No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
