Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
