You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
