oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
