My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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