im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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