I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
