there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
