i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
