Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
