I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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