well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
