she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
