so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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