Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
