Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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