so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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