Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am mentally ready for anal.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
