don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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