I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
