Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize