An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
