Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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