I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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