I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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