well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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