it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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