singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
