Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
