Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
