He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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