I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
