Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
