I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
