sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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