Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
