it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
