I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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