and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
