Define "chronic" masturbator.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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