drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
