so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
