Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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