I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
