:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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