Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
