If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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