i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
And then he peed in my hair
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