I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize