I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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