Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
