billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
