I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
