I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
