I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
