I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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