You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize