If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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