I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
