Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
