Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
