Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My cat gives me a boner
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
