if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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