What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You smell like stripper and shame
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
