you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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