I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
