I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
