i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
