Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Randomize
