cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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