Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
