the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm just crazy horny about you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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