He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My life is pants optional.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize