just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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