dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
