Best friends brother. Beat that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
