I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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