I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
