Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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