I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize