that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
