if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
