This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
