Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
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