My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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