Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
