I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
