Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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