Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
