WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
